Andiron Tales Read online

  CHAPTER III.

  Off in the Clouds

  "Now the point to be decided," said the Lefthandiron, after he and hiscompanions had been flying through space for some time, "is where we aregoing. There are two or three things we can do, and Tom can have hischoice as to which it shall be."

  "Subject, of course, to my advice," said the Righthandiron, with a bow toTom. "You can go where you please if I please. See?"

  "Yes," said Tom. "I see. I can have my way as long as it is your way."

  "Precisely," said the Righthandiron, with an approving nod. "And as youmay have heard, precisely means exactly so. You can have your way as longas it is my way, which shows how generous I am. Fond of my way as I am, Iam willing to divide it with you."

  "All right," returned Tom. "I'm very much obliged. What are the two thingswe can do?"

  "Well," said the Lefthandiron, scratching his head softly, "we can fly upa little higher and sit down and watch the world go round; we can take thelong jump, or we can visit Saturn."

  "What was the first?" asked Tom.

  "To fly up a little higher, where we can get a better view; to sit downthere and watch the world go round. It is an excellent way to travel. It'sawfully easy--in fact, it isn't you that travels at all. It's the worldthat does the traveling, while all you've got to do is to sit down thereand keep an eye on it. It's like a big panorama, only it's real, and anytime you see a place going by that you think you'd like to see more of,all you've got to do is to fly down there and see it."

  "When you get up higher and sit down," said Tom, "what do you sit on?"

  "You sit on me and I sit on my hind legs, of course," said Lefthandiron."Don't you know anything?"

  "Of course I do," said Tom, indignantly. "I know lots of things."

  "Then I can't see why you ask such silly questions," retorted theLefthandiron. "What do we sit on? Why, you might just as well ask a dogwhat he barks with, or a lion what he eats his breakfast with--and thatwould be as stupid as the Poker's poem on Sandwiches."

  "Did the Poker write a poem on Sandwiches?" asked Tom.

  "Eight of 'em," returned the Lefthandiron. "The first of them went thisway:

  "He sat upon a lofty hill, And smoked his penny pipe. 'Ha!' quoth a passing whip-poor-will, 'The oranges are ripe.'"

  "The other seven went like this," observed the Righthandiron:

  "The day was over, and the six- Teen little darkies then Found they were in a dreadful fix, Like several other men."

  "There isn't anything about Sandwiches in those poems," said Tom, with alook of perplexity on his face.

  "No. That's where the stupidity of it comes in. He wrote those poems andcalled 'em all Sandwiches just to be stupid, and it was stupid."

  "But what did he want to be stupid for?" asked Tom.

  "Just his vanity, that's all," said the Righthandiron. "The Poker is avery vain person. He thinks he is superior to everybody else ineverything. If you say to him, 'the gas fixture is bright tonight,' he'llsay, 'Oh, yes--but I'm brighter.' Somebody told him once that the kindlingwood that started the fires was stupid, and he wouldn't even stop hisbragging then. 'Oh, yes,' he said, 'but I'm a great deal stupider than thekindling wood and I'll prove it.' So he sat down and wrote those versesand called 'em all Sandwiches, and everybody agreed that he was thestupidest person going."

  "You only told me two of 'em," said Tom.

  "No--the whole eight were there. To make it more stupid the Poker saidthat the first one was number five and the second was the other seven."

  Tom smiled broadly at this and made up his mind to cultivate theacquaintance of the Poker. He was boy enough to like stupidity of thatsort because it made him laugh.

  "I'd like to meet the Poker," he said. "He must be lots of fun."

  "He is," said the Lefthandiron. "Tenacre lots of fun. You'll meet him soonenough because we shall join him shortly. We never go off on any of ourtrips without him. He is a great help sometimes when we get into troublejust because he has so many sides. If we fall into a pit through somemisstep the Poker comes along and pries us out of it. If we fall into thehands of some horrible creature that wants to hurt us, the Poker talks tothat creature as stupid as he knows how, which makes the other so drowsythat he can't possibly keep awake, and then, of course, we escape."

  "There he is now," cried the Righthandiron, putting his right forepaw upto his ear and listening attentively. "I can hear him singing, can't you?"

  The Lefthandiron stopped short and Tom strained his ears to hear thePoker's song. For a moment he could hear nothing, but then a slightbuzzing sound like the hum of a bee, came to his ears and in anotherminute he could distinguish the words of the song. It was a song showingthat the singer was one of those favored beings who are satisfied withwhat the world has given them--as you will see for yourself when you hearit. These are the words as they came to Tom's ears, sung to a soft littleair which the Poker made up as he went along, thereby showing that he wasa musician as well as a Poker:

  "Oh, I am a Poker bold and free, And I poke the livelong day. I love the land and I hate the sea, But the sky and the clouds are there for me.

  I dote on the Milky Way. The clouds are as soft as a fleecy rug, And as cool as cool can be. The skies fit into my figure snug, And they make me feel so blithe and smug That I am glad Fate made me Me. Oh Me! Ah Me! 'Tis a lovely fate And a mission great To be Like me And to love the skies, And the clouds to prize, And to hate the turbulent sea, He--he-- So I lift my voice And I loud rejoice That the Fates have made me Me."

  "Hullo!" cried the Righthandiron.

  "Halloa!" called the Lefthandiron.

  "That's not my name," came the voice of the Poker from behind a cloud justabove Tom's head. "But I know who you mean, so I answer Halloa yourself."

  "Where are you?" cried Lefty.

  "Here," called the Poker.

  "No, you're not," called Righty. "You're there. We are here."

  "Well, that's neither here nor there," retorted the Poker, poking his headout through the cloud. "Hullo! Who have you got there? That isn't Tom, isit?"

  "No--it's Sleepyhead D. Dormouse," laughed Lefty.

  "Good," said the Poker, advancing and shaking Tom by the hand. "I wasafraid it was Tom. Not that I dislike Tom, for I don't. I think he is oneof the nicest boys I know--but he weighs a good fifty-seven pounds, and sofar we haven't been able to get a cloud strong enough to support more thanfifty-six. If Tom were to come up here and sit on a cloud he'd fallthrough, and if he fell through, you know what would happen."

  "No, I don't," said Tom, to whom the Poker's remarks were addressed. "Whatwould happen?"

  "Well, in the first place, it would spoil the cloud, and in the secondplace, if he tumbled into the sea he'd have to swim ashore," said thePoker, sagely. "That's why I am glad you're young Mr. Dormouse, and notTom. Dormice can sit on the flimsiest clouds we have and not breakthrough."

  "What is a Dormouse anyhow?" asked Tom, to whom it now occurred for thefirst time that he had never seen a Dormouse.

  "Ho!" jeered Righty, as Tom asked the question. "The idea of not knowingwhat a Dormouse is!"

  "He's a mouse with a door to him, of course," said Lefty.

  "Which he keeps closed," said the Poker, "so that he will not be disturbedwhile he is asleep."

  Tom tried to imagine what a creature of that sort looked like, but hefound it difficult. Not liking to appear stupid he accepted theexplanation.

  "Oh!" he said. "It must be a very pretty animal."

  "Oh, yes!" said the Poker. "But he isn't as pretty as I can be when Itry. My, how pretty I can be--but say, Andies, where are we bound thistrip?"

  "We've left that to Sleepyhead to decide," said Lefty.

  "In the usual way of course?" queried the Poker.

  "Oh, yes! He can't decide except as we want him to and have it go as area
l decision. We've given him his choice of watching the world go round,going to Saturn or taking the long jump."

  "A MOUSE WITH A DOOR TO HIM."]

  "And which will it be, Dormy?" asked the Poker.

  "I sort of think I'd like to sit up here and watch the world go round,"said Tom.

  "Nope," said Righty.

  "Then let's go to Saturn," suggested Tom.

  "Oh, no!" said Righty. "Not that."

  "Then there's only one thing left," said Tom, with a sigh, "and that's thelong jump--whatever that is."

  Tom's three companions roared with laughter.

  "Absurd!" cried Righty. "The idea. The long jump the only thing left! Ha,ha, ha!"

  "Perfect nonsense," laughed Lefty. "I never thought Dozy Pate could be sodull."

  "Well, he isn't anything like as dull as I can be when I try," said thePoker. "He's pretty dull, though."

  "I don't see where the joke comes in," snapped Tom, who did not at alllike the way the Andirons and the Poker were behaving. "If there are onlythree things we can do and you won't do two of them there's only oneleft."

  "Ha, ha, ha!" roared Lefty.

  "Poor dull Dormouse," said Righty, with a smile that was half of mirth andhalf sympathy.

  "You are evidently a Dormouse with very little education, Dormy," said thePoker. "If there are three apples on a plate, one red, one green and onewhite and you are told to take your pick of the lot there are four thingsyou can do, not three."

  "What are they?" asked Tom, meekly.

  "There's no better place than this cloud."]

  "You can take a red one, a white one, a green one, or all three. See?"

  "Oh, yes!" said Tom, beginning to smile again. "I see. You don't want meto choose watching the earth go round, or going to Saturn, or taking thelong jump, but you do want me to choose all three."

  "Now you are talking sense," said Righty. "And sense is what we areafter."

  "That's it," said the Poker. "Now what do you choose, Dormy?"

  "All three!" roared Tom.

  "The Dormouse is getting his eyes open," said Lefty.

  "Which is very proper," put in Righty, "for there is a great deal for himto see."

  "Not so much as there is for me to see," said the Poker. "My, what a lotthere is for me to see!"

  "The first thing for us to do," said Lefty, paying no attention to thePoker's words, "is to get a good place for us to sit, so that Sleepyheadcan see the world."

  "There's no better place than this cloud," said the Poker. "I've sat heremany a time and studied China by the hour."

  "It's a little too far away for Sleepyhead," said Lefty. "Dormy mustn't beallowed to strain his eyes."

  "Never thought of that," said the Poker. "Of course, I can see a greatdeal farther than he can. My, how far I can see! What's the matter withour pushing the cloud in a little nearer?"

  "Nothing--if we can do it," said Righty. "But can we?"

  "We can 'wink our eye and try,' as the poet says," returned the Poker."Ever heard that poem, Dormy?"

  "No," returned Tom. "That is, not that I know of. I've heard lots ofpoetry in my life, but it goes in one ear and out of the other."

  "You must have a queer head," said the Poker, peering into Tom's ear. "Howa poem poured into one ear can go out of the other I can't understand.There doesn't seem to be any opening there."

  "In one ear and out of the other."]

  "His head isn't solid like ours," said Lefty. "It's too bad to beafflicted the way he is. He ought to do the way a boy I knew once did. Hesuffered just as Dormy does. You'd tell him a thing in his left ear andthe first thing you'd know, pop! it would all come out of the other earand be lost. The poor fellow was growing up to be an ignoramus. Couldn'tkeep a thing in his head, until one night I overheard his father andmother talking about it in the library. The boy's father wanted to punishhim for not remembering what he learned at school, when his mother saidjust what Dormy here said, that everything went in one ear and out of theother. Then they both looked sad, and the mother rubbed her eyes untilthe tears came. I couldn't stand that. If there's one thing in the worldI can't stand it's other people's sorrows. Mine don't amount to much, butother people's do sometimes. I felt so bad for the poor parents that Iracked and racked my brains trying to think of some way to cure the boy.It took me a week, but I got it at last and the next time the boy'sparents talked about it I took the matter in hand. I simply walked out ofthe fireplace where I was and said, 'I hope you will excuse theinterference of an Andiron, ma'am, but I think your boy can be cured ofhis ear trouble.' 'Noble fellow,' said the father, after he had got overhis surprise at my unusual behavior. 'What do you suggest?'

  "'Put a cork in his other ear,' said I.

  "And they did, and from that time on the boy never lost a bit ofinformation any one gave him. He grew up to be a dreadfully wise man andwhen he finally died he was known as the human N. Cyclopedia."

  "That was a noble act of yours," said the Poker. "Did you have the ideapatented?"

  "No," said the Andiron. "I wanted to, but the patent rules require that aworking model should be sent with the request for a patent for the patentoffice to keep, which of course I couldn't do."

  "Why not?" asked Tom.

  "I couldn't get a boy who would consent to spend his life in the showcase.I could get all the corks I wanted, but no boy, and so I had to give itup," replied Lefty, with a sigh. "I'd have been a rich Andiron today if Icould have had that idea patented. I shouldn't be surprised if I'd havehad enough to have Righty and the Poker and myself goldplated."

  "Oh, well, I wouldn't feel bad about that," said the Poker. "What's theuse? You're bright as any gold that ever shined and you are quite asuseful. Gold may be worth more than you are, but what of it? The peoplewho bought you are willing to change their gold for you, so that reallyputs you ahead. As for myself I wouldn't be gold if I could. Gold Pokersaren't worth anything as Pokers, and what's more, if I were gold Tom'sfather would lock me up in the safe every night and then I couldn't travelabout the way I do."

  "Never thought of it in that light," said Lefty. "I'm glad I'm brass,after all."

  "But you were going to tell us a poem, weren't you?" asked Tom.

  "Yes," said the Poker. "It's a simple little verse, but there is a gooddeal of fine advice in it. All it says is:

  "If you're in doubt if you can do A thing some one has asked you to, Don't sit you down and moan and cry Because you can't, but wink your eye And try."

  "There's good advice enough for a lifetime in that, Dormy," said theRighthandiron. "And now let's see if we can move the cloud."

  The four little creatures set out at once to push the cloud nearer to theearth so that Tom could see the latter going around more clearly, buttheir efforts were in vain. The cloud wouldn't budge an inch.

  "No use," said the Poker, panting with his exertion. "There is only onething to do now and that is to send for the Bellows. If he'll come andblow in his usual style we'll have that cloud where we want it in lessthan no time. I'd blow it there myself, for I am a far better blower thanthe Bellows is--my, how I can blow! But I'm out of breath trying to pushthe cloud."

  "I'll run back and get the Bellows," said Lefty.

  "And I'll go with you," said Righty. "He may not come for one, but I'msure he will for two."

  "All right," said the Poker. "Dormy and I will wait here for you; and I'lltell him a story while you're gone. How will that suit you Dormy?"

  "First rate," said Tom. "I like stories."

  "We'll be back soon," said the Righthandiron, as he and the other startedback after the Bellows. "So make your story short."

  "Very good," returned the Poker amiably. "I'll make it so short that Dormywill hardly know that it was ever begun."

  And so Tom was left sitting on a big cloud way up in the sky with thePoker--which was indeed a very novel position for a small boy like him tobe in.