Andiron Tales Read online

  CHAPTER II.

  The Story of Ebenezer

  "Ebenezer was a boy very much like yourself in several ways," resumed theRighthandiron. "He wasn't one of the Sleepyhead or Dozy Pate families, buthe was next thing to it. He was nephew of Senator Takeanap, and a grandsonof old General Snoraloud--but he'd never admit it. He used to get just asangry when we reminded him that he was quite as much of a Snoraloud as aCarrottop, as you were when we called you Sleepyhead, and when my brotherLefty here said to him, 'Hullo, Weasel,' he didn't like it a bit betterthan you did when we said you were a Dormouse. He insisted that he was aboy, and for all we could do we couldn't get him to admit that he was aWeasel--"

  "He was the most persistent lad That I have ever seen. He'd always say that bad was bad, That blue could not be green.

  "We couldn't get him to deny That white was always white, And though we'd try and try and try He'd say that he was right,"

  interrupted the Lefthandiron.

  "And wasn't he?" asked Tom.

  "That isn't a part of the story," snapped the Righthandiron, "and if youdon't stop interrupting me I'll never speak to you again."

  "I didn't mean to," said Tom apologetically.

  "That's just the worst part of it," snapped the Andiron. "You are aninterrupter by nature, and that is the most incurable kind. But, as I wastelling you, Ebenezer was bound to be a boy, and no amount of talk on ourpart could convince him that he was a Weasel. Well, Lefty and I were veryyoung then, and up to the time of which I am speaking we had always madeour little trips in the Fairy Country or in Giantland all by ourselves,and we had lots of fun together I can warrant. This time, however, wedecided to take Ebenezer with us to Giantland, which was a place he hadoften heard us tell about, and concerning which he was very curious. Wetold him that it would never do for him to visit Giantland, because theGiants were always very hungry, and liked nothing better to eat than a boylike himself. It would be dangerous for him to go, we said, unless hewould promise to obey us in everything we told him to do, and to admitthat he was whatever we chose to call him."

  "You see, my dear Tom," said the Lefthandiron in explanation, "the Giantshad such confidence in us that they accepted as true anything we said, sothat if we should happen to meet a hungry ogre and he should want to eatEbenezer because he was a boy, all that would be necessary for us to do tosave Ebenezer was to say, 'Hold on. He is not a boy. He is a Weasel.' ThenEbenezer would be all right, because Giants do not eat Weasels."

  "I see," said Tom, nodding his head.

  "Ebenezer promised that he would obey us and wouldn't deny that he was aWeasel if we told the Giants he was one, and we took him off with us,"resumed the Righthandiron. "We went straight to Giantland and had aperfectly lovely time until about an hour before it was time to return,when we encountered a huge Giant named Skihigh--and my, how hungry he was!He was hungrier than Lefty's friend, who went into a restaurant andordered

  "'Thirty-seven pounds of cake, Sixty-four lamb chops, Eighteen portions of beefsteak, Forty ginger pops; Seventeen vanilla puffs, Twenty fresh-caught dabs, Thirty-eight rich raisin duffs, Ninety soft-shell crabs.

  "'Let those go for course the first; Let the second be Shrimps and oysters till I burst, Thirteen quarts of tea. Then a dozen sugared hams, One small cabbage head, Ninety dozen pinky clams, Sixty loaves of bread.

  "'Seven quarts of French canned pease, And a pound or two Of your Gorgonzola cheese For my lunch will do." Then the waiter standing by In the usual way Asked him: 'Won't you also try Our hot mince today?'"

  "I don't want to interrupt," said Tom, "but it seems to me that man musthave been awful rich."

  "No, he wasn't," returned Lefty. "He was going to eat the dinner, youknow, and then die without paying for it. He wasn't a very good man."

  "AND THEN DIE WITHOUT PAYING FOR IT."]

  "No," remarked the story-teller. "But he was a very hungry man, in whichrespect he was just like the Giant I am trying to tell you about. And my,how the Giant roared with glee when he caught sight of Ebenezer.

  "'Good!' he cried, 'that's just what I wanted for my lunch. A nice fatboy.'

  "Then he reached down," said the Righthandiron, "and grabbed Ebenezer bythe arm, and was about to eat him just as he would a piece of asparagus,when Lefty here cried out:

  "'Avast there, Skihigh! That isn't a nice fat boy. That is only amiserable Weasel.'

  "'Pah!' said Skihigh, with a face such as you put on when you take ahorrid tasting medicine. 'Pah! I can't eat Weasels.'

  "And with that he put Ebenezer down on the road again and was about towalk along about his business when what did that foolish little Ebenezerdo but up and deny that he was a Weasel!

  "'I'm not a Weasel,' he yelled. 'And I am a boy--and a fine boy at that!'

  "Skihigh stopped short, whirled about and rushed back to where Ebenezerwas standing.

  "'What's that you say?' he said eagerly.

  "'I say I am not a Weasel, but a fine fat boy,' said the vaingloriousEbenezer stoutly.

  "'Then my friends, the Andirons have deceived me, have they?' roared theGiant.

  "'Yes,' replied Ebenezer. 'But I can't stand being called a Weasel.'

  [ILLUSTRATION: "JUST WHAT I WANTED FOR MY LUNCH."]

  "With that," said the Righthandiron, "Skihigh clapped Ebenezer into hismarket basket and then turned on Lefty and me. Lefty managed to get away,but I was caught."

  "What did he do to you?" asked Tom, trembling with excitement.

  "He tried to bite my head off," said Righty, with a laugh. "See those twodents on either side of my neck?"

  Tom looked, and sure enough there were the dents--not very deep, but quitelarge enough to be seen.

  "His teeth broke when he got that far," said Righty. "I'm pretty hard--butyou see it needn't have happened at all if Ebenezer had only kept quietabout his not being a Weasel."

  [ILLUSTRATION: "TRIED TO BITE MY HEAD OFF."]

  "Was he eaten by Skihigh?" asked Tom.

  "I don't know," replied Righty. "Lefty and I didn't wait to find out, andwe have never been back there since. I don't believe he did eat him, fortwo reasons. One is that after trying to bite my head off Skihigh hadn'tteeth enough left to eat anything with, and the other reason is that Isaw Ebenezer two years afterwards on his way to school one beautifulspring morning. I noticed him particularly because, although it was alovely clear morning, he had his umbrella up and positively declined toput it down and carry it closed, because, he said, an umbrella couldn'tpossibly be a cane, and he wasn't going to try to make anybody suppose itwas a cane."

  "I don't see anything in that story to make me unhappy, even if I were achum of Ebenezer's," said Tom, as the Andiron finished.

  "You don't? Don't you think it was sad that the Giant couldn't eat a boywho'd behave in that way?" asked Righty, with a scornful glance at Tom.

  "It was very sad, Tom," said the Lefthandiron. "So don't denyit--especially if you want to go off on our trip to the stars."

  "Are you really going to the stars?" gasped Tom, breathless at the veryidea and forgetting all about Ebenezer.

  "Perhaps," returned the Andiron.

  "And may I go with you?" whispered Tom.

  "You may if you will do whatever we tell you, and admit that you are aDormouse," said Righty.

  "All right, I'll obey," said Tom.

  "And what did you say your name was?" asked Lefty.

  "Sleepyhead Dozy Pate Dormouse," said Tom, with a laugh.

  "You'll do," returned the Righthandiron, stepping lightly out of thefireplace. "Now sit astride of my back and take hold of Lefty's rightclaw."

  Tom did as he was told, and in an instant he was flying up through spacetoward the stars.