The Pursuit of the House-Boat Read online

  XI

  MAROONED

  When Captain Holmes arrived upon deck he seized his glass, and, gazingintently through it for a moment, perceived that the faithful Shem had notdeceived him. Flying at half-mast from a rude, roughly hewn pole set upona rocky height was the black flag, emblem of piracy, and, as Artemus Wardput it, "with the second joints reversed." It was in very truth a signalof distress.

  "I make it a point never to be surprised," observed Holmes, as he peeredthrough the glass, "but this beats me. I didn't know there was an islandof this nature in these latitudes. Blackstone, go below and pipe CaptainCook on deck. Perhaps he knows what island that is."

  "You'll have to excuse me, Captain Holmes," replied the Judge. "I didn'tship on this voyage as a cabin-boy or a messenger-boy. Therefore I--"

  "Bonaparte, put the Judge in irons," interrupted Holmes, sternly. "Iexpect to be obeyed, Judge Blackstone, whether you shipped as a LordChief-Justice or a state-room steward. When I issue an order it must beobeyed. Step lively there, Bonaparte. Get his honor ironed and summon yourmarines. We may have work to do before night. Hamlet, pipe Captain Cook ondeck."

  "Aye, aye, sir," replied Hamlet, with alacrity, as he made off.

  "That's the way to obey orders," said Holmes, with a scornful glance atBlackstone.

  "I was only jesting, Captain," said the latter, paling somewhat.

  "That's all right," said Holmes, taking up his glass again. "So was I whenI ordered you in irons, and in order that you may appreciate the fullforce of the joke I repeat it. Bonaparte, do your duty."

  In an instant the order was obeyed, and the unhappy Judge shortly foundhimself manacled and alone in the forecastle. Meanwhile Captain Cook, inresponse to the commander's order, repaired to the deck and scanned thedistant coast.

  "I can't place it," he said. "It can't be Monte Cristo, can it?"

  "No, it can't," said the Count, who stood hard by. "My island was in theMediterranean, and even if it dragged anchor it couldn't have got outthrough the Strait of Gibraltar."

  "Perhaps it's Robinson Crusoe's island," suggested Doctor Johnson.

  "Not it," observed De Foe. "If it is, the rest of you will please keepoff. It's mine, and I may want to use it again. I've been having a numberof interviews with Crusoe latterly, and he's given me a lot of new points,which I intend incorporating in a sequel for the _Cimmerian Magazine_."

  "Well, in the name of Atlas, what island is it, then?" roared Holmes,angrily. "What is the matter with all you learned lubbers that I havebrought along on this trip? Do you suppose I've brought you to whistle upfavorable winds? Not by the beard of the Prophet! I brought you to give meinformation, and now when I ask for the name of a simple little islandlike that in plain sight there's not one of you able so much as to guessat it reasonably. The next man I ask for information goes into irons withJudge Blackstone if he doesn't answer me instantly with the information Iwant. Munchausen, what island is that?"

  "Ahem! that?" replied Munchausen, trembling, as he reflected upon theCaptain's threat. "What? Nobody knows what island that is? Why, yousurprise me--"

  "See here, Baron," retorted Holmes, menacingly, "I ask you a plainquestion, and I want a plain answer, with no evasions to gain time. Nowit's irons or an answer. What island is that?"

  "It's an island that doesn't appear on any chart, Captain," Munchausenresponded instantly, pulling himself together for a mighty effort, "and ithas never been given a name; but as you insist upon having one, we'll callit Holmes Island, in your honor. It is not stationary. It is a floatingisland of lava formation, and is a menace to every craft that goes to sea.I spent a year of my life upon it once, and it is more barren than thedesert of Sahara, because you cannot raise even sand upon it, and it isdevoid of water of any sort, salt or fresh."

  "What did you live on during that year?" asked Holmes, eying him narrowly.

  "Canned food from wrecks," replied the Baron, feeling much easier now thathe had got a fair start--"canned food from wrecks, commander. There is amagnetic property in the upper stratum of this piece of derelict realestate, sir, which attracts to it every bit of canned substance that islost overboard in all parts of the world. A ship is wrecked, say, in thePacific Ocean, and ultimately all the loose metal upon her will succumb tothe irresistible attraction of this magnetic upper stratum, and will findits way to its shores. So in any other part of the earth. Everythingmetallic turns up here sooner or later; and when you consider thatthousands of vessels go down every year, vessels which are provisionedwith tinned foods only, you will begin to comprehend how many millions ofpounds of preserved salmon, sardines, _pate de foie gras_, peaches, and soon, can be found strewn along its coast."

  "Munchausen," said Holmes, smiling, "by the blush upon your cheek, coupledwith an occasional uneasy glance of the eye, I know that for once you arestanding upon the, to you, unfamiliar ground of truth, and I admire youfor it. There is nothing to be ashamed of in telling the truthoccasionally. You are a man after my own heart. Come below and have acocktail. Captain Cook, take command of the _Gehenna_ during my absence;head her straight for Holmes Island, and when you discover anything newlet me know. Bonaparte, in honor of Munchausen's remarkable genius Iproclaim general amnesty to our prisoners, and you may release Blackstonefrom his dilemma; and if you have any tin soldiers among your marines, seethat they are lashed to the rigging. I don't want this electric island ofthe Baron's to get a grip upon my military force at this juncture."

  With this Holmes, followed by Munchausen, went below, and the two worthieswere soon deep in the mysteries of a phantom cocktail, while DoctorJohnson and De Foe gazed mournfully out over the ocean at the floatingisland.

  "De Foe," said Johnson, "that ought to be a lesson to you. This realismthat you tie up to is all right when you are alone with your conscience;but when there are great things afoot, an imagination and a broad view asto the limitations of truth aren't at all bad. You or I might now bedrinking that cocktail with Holmes if we'd only risen to the opportunitythe way Munchausen did."

  "'THAT OUGHT TO BE A LESSON TO YOU'"]

  "That is true," said De Foe, sadly. "But I didn't suppose he wanted thatkind of information. I could have spun a better yarn than that ofMunchausen's with my eyes shut. I supposed he wanted truth, and I gaveit."

  "I'd like to know what has become of the House-boat," said Raleigh,anxiously gazing through the glass at the island. "I can see old HenryMorgan sitting down there on the rocks with his elbows on his knees andhis chin in his hands, and Kidd and Abeuchapeta are standing back of him,yelling like mad, but there isn't a boat in sight."

  "Who is that man, off to the right, dancing a fandango?" asked Johnson.

  "It looks like Conrad, but I can't tell. He appears to have gone crazy.He's got that wild look on his face which betokens insanity. We'll have tobe careful in our parleyings with these people," said Raleigh.

  "Anything new?" asked Holmes, returning to the deck, smacking his lips inenjoyment of the cocktail.

  "No--except that we are almost within hailing distance," said Cook.

  "Then give orders to cast anchor," observed Holmes. "Bonaparte, take acrew of picked men ashore and bring those pirates aboard. Take the threemusketeers with you, and don't let Kidd or Morgan give you any back talk.If they try any funny business, exorcise them."

  "Aye, aye, sir," replied Bonaparte, and in a moment a boat had beenlowered and a sturdy crew of sailors were pulling for the shore. As theycame within ten feet of it the pirates made a mad dash down the rough,rocky hillside and clamored to be saved.

  "THE PIRATES MADE A MAD DASH DOWN THE ROUGH, ROCKYHILL-SIDE"]

  "What's happened to you?" cried Bonaparte, ordering the sailors to backwater, lest the pirates should too hastily board the boat and swamp her.

  "We are marooned," replied Kidd, "and on an island of a volcanic nature.There isn't a square inch of it that isn't heated up to 125 degrees, andseventeen of us have already evaporated. Conrad has lost his reason;Abeuchapeta has become so tenuous th
at a child can see through him. As formyself, I am growing iridescent with anxiety, and unless I get off thisinfernal furnace I'll disappear like a soap-bubble. For Heaven's sake,then, General, take us off, on your own terms. We'll accept anything."

  As if in confirmation of Kidd's words, six of the pirate crew collapsedand disappeared into thin air, and a glance at Abeuchapeta was proofenough of his condition. He had become as clear as crystal, and had it notbeen for his rugged outlines he would hardly have been visible even to hisfellow-spirits. As for Kidd, he had taken on the aspect of a rainbow, andit was patent that his fears for himself were all too well founded.

  Bonaparte embarked the leaders of the band first, returning subsequentlyfor the others, and repaired with them at once to the _Gehenna_, wherethey were ushered into the presence of Sherlock Holmes. The first questionhe asked was as to the whereabouts of the House-boat.

  "That we do not know," replied Kidd, mournfully, gazing downward at thewreck of his former self. "We came ashore, sir, early yesterday morning,in search of food. It appears that when--acting in a wholly inexcusablefashion, and influenced, I confess it, by motives of revenge--I made offwith your club-house, I neglected to ascertain if it were well stockedwith provisions, a fatal error; for when we endeavored to get supper wediscovered that the larder contained but half a bottle of farcie olives,two salted almonds, and a soda cracker--not a luxurious feast forsixty-nine pirates and a hundred and eighty-three women to sit down to."

  "That's all nonsense," said Demosthenes. "The House Committee had providedenough supper for six hundred people, in anticipation of the appetite ofthe members on their return from the fight."

  "Of course they did," said Confucius; "and it was a good one, too--salads,salmon glace, lobsters--every blessed thing a man can't get at home wehad; and what is more, they'd been delivered on board. I saw to thatbefore I went up the river."

  "Then," moaned Kidd, "it is as I suspected. We were the victims of basetreachery on the part of those women."

  "Treachery? Well, I like that. Call it reciprocity," said Hamlet, dryly.

  "We were informed by the ladies that there was nothing for supper save theitems I have already referred to," said Kidd. "I see it all now. We hadtried to make them comfortable, and I put myself to some considerablepersonal inconvenience to make them easy in their minds, but they wereungrateful."

  "Whatever induced you to take 'em along with you?" asked Socrates.

  "We didn't want them," said Kidd. "We didn't know they were on board untilit was too late to turn back. They'd broken in, and were having the cluball to themselves in your absence."

  "It served you good and right," said Socrates, with a laugh. "Next timeyou try to take things that don't belong to you, maybe you'll be a triflemore careful as to whose property you confiscate."

  "But the House-boat--you haven't told us how you lost her," put inRaleigh, impatiently.

  "Well, it was this way," said Kidd. "When, in response to our politerequest for supper, the ladies said there was nothing to eat on board,something had to be done, for we were all as hungry as bears, and wedecided to go ashore at the first port and provision. Unfortunately thecrew got restive, and when this floating frying-pan loomed into view, tokeep them good-natured we decided to land and see if we could beg, borrow,or steal some supplies. We had to. Observations taken with the sextantshowed that there was no port within five hundred miles; the island lookedas if it might be inhabited at least by goats, and ashore we went, everyman of us, leaving the House-boat safely anchored in the harbor. At firstwe didn't mind the heat, and we hunted and hunted and hunted; but afterthree or four hours I began to notice that three of my sailors wereshrivelling up, and Conrad began to act as if he were daft. Hawkins burstright before my eyes. Then Abeuchapeta got prismatic around the eyes andbegan to fade, and I noticed a slight iridescence about myself; and as forMorgan, he had the misfortune to lie down to take a nap in the sun, andwhen he waked up, his whole right side had evaporated. Then we saw whatthe trouble was. We'd struck this lava island, and were graduallysuccumbing to its intense heat. We rushed madly back to the harbor toembark; and our ship, gentlemen, and your House-boat, was slowly butsurely disappearing over the horizon, and flying from the flag-staff atthe fore were signals of farewell, with an unfeeling P.S. below to thiseffect: '_Don't wait up for us. We may not be back until late._'"

  There was a pause, during which Socrates laughed quietly to himself, whileAbeuchapeta and the one-sided Morgan wept silently.

  "That, gentlemen of the Associated Shades, is all I know of thewhereabouts of the House-boat," continued Captain Kidd. "I have no doubtthat the ladies practised a deception, to our discomfiture, and I must saythat I think it was exceedingly clever--granting that it was desirable tobe rid of us, which I don't, for we meant well by them, and they wouldhave enjoyed themselves."

  "But," cried Hamlet, "may they not now be in peril? They cannot navigatethat ship."

  "They got her out of the harbor all right," said Kidd. "And I judged fromthe figure at the helm that Mrs. Noah had taken charge. What kind of aseaman she is I don't know."

  "Almighty bad," ejaculated Shem, turning pale. "It was she who ran usashore on Ararat."

  "Well, wasn't that what you wanted?" queried Munchausen.

  "What we wanted!" cried Shem. "Well, I guess not. You don't want youryacht stranded on a mountain-top, do you? She was a dead loss there,whereas if mother hadn't been in such a hurry to get ashore, we could havewaited a month and landed on the seaboard."

  "You might have turned her into a summer hotel," suggested Munchausen.

  "Well, we must up anchor and away," said Holmes. "Our pursuit has merelybegun, apparently. We must overtake this vessel, and the question to beanswered is--where?"

  "That's easy," said Artemus Ward. "From what Shem says, I think we'dbetter look for her in the Himalayas."

  "And, meanwhile, what shall be done with Kidd?" asked Holmes.

  "He ought to be expelled from the club," said Johnson.

  "We can't expel him, because he's not a member," replied Raleigh.

  "Then elect him," suggested Ward.

  "What on earth for?" growled Johnson.

  "So that we can expel him," said Ward.

  And while Boswell's hero was trying to get the value of this notionthrough his head, the others repaired to the deck, and the _Gehenna_ wassoon under way once more. Meanwhile Captain Kidd and his fellows were putin irons and stowed away in the forecastle, alongside of the water-cask inwhich Shylock lay in hiding.