Mollie and the Unwiseman

  Produced by Annie R. McGuire. This book was produced fromscanned images of public domain material from the InternetArchive.

  "Simple enough; I've stopped the clock," he said.--Page132.--_Frontispiece._]

  MOLLIEAND THEUNWISEMAN

  By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS

  Illustrations byALBERT LEVERING andCLARE VICTOR DWIGGINS.

  Henry T. Coates & Co.,Philadelphia.]

  COPYRIGHT, 1902,BY HENRY T. COATES & CO.

  CONTENTS.

  CHAPTER PAGE I. BOPEEP. IN WHICH MOLLIE MEETS THE UNWISEMAN 7 II. A VISIT TO THE UNWISEMAN. IN WHICH MOLLIE RENEWS AN ACQUAINTANCE 29 III. IN THE HOUSE OF THE UNWISEMAN. IN WHICH MOLLIE READS SOME STRANGE RULES 49 IV. A CALL FROM THE UNWISEMAN. IN WHICH MOLLIE'S CALL IS RETURNED 67 V. THE UNWISEMAN IS OFFENDED. IN WHICH THE OLD GENTLEMAN TAKES HIS LEAVE 85 VI. THE CHRISTMAS VENTURE OF THE UNWISEMAN. IN WHICH THE UNWISEMAN GOES INTO AN UNPROFITABLE BUSINESS 103 VII. THE UNWISEMAN'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS. IN WHICH THE UNWISEMAN GIVES UP SOME VERY DISTINGUISHED WORDS 123 VIII. THE UNWISEMAN TURNS POET. IN WHICH THE UNWISEMAN GOES INTO LITERATURE 139 IX. THE POEMS OF THE UNWISEMAN. IN WHICH MOLLIE LISTENS TO SOME REMARKABLE VERSES 155 X. THE UNWISEMAN'S LUNCHEON. IN WHICH THE UNWISEMAN MAKES SOME SENSIBLE REMARKS ON EATING 173 XI. THE UNWISEMAN'S NEW BUSINESS. IN WHICH THE OLD GENTLEMAN AND MOLLIE AND WHISTLEBINKIE START ON THEIR TRAVELS 189

  LIST OF FULL-PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS.

  Page "SIMPLE ENOUGH, I'VE STOPPED THE CLOCK." _Frontispiece_ THE UNWISEMAN SPED OFF LIKE LIGHTNING TO THE VILLAGE DRUG-STORE 46 "OH YES!" SAID MOLLIE, "IF YOU MUST STEAL SOMETHING, STEAL A BOYLED EGG" 66 "NO, THANK YOU," SAID THE UNWISEMAN, WITH AN ANXIOUS PEEP AT THE CEILING 76 "OUCH!" HE CRIED, "THE BROOK MUST BE AFIRE!" 98 "I ALWAYS WEEP OUT OF THE WINDOW." 146 THE UNWISEMAN READS HIS POEM, "MY WISH AND WHY I WISHED IT." 162 "IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK SOME OTHER LANGUAGE YOU CAN GO OUTSIDE AND SPEAK IT." 184

  I. Bopeep.In which Mollie meets the Unwiseman.

  Mollie]

  had been romping in the hay all the afternoon. With her were Flaxilocks,the French doll, and young Whistlebinkie, the rubber boy, who had gothis name from the fact that he had a whistle set in the top of hisbeaver hat. Flaxilocks and Whistlebinkie could stand a great deal ofromping, and so also could Mollie, but, on the whole, the little girlwas not so strong as the dolls were, and in consequence along abovefive o'clock, having settled herself down comfortably on the shaded sideof the hay-stack, a great pillow of sweet-scented clover grass under herhead, it is not to be wondered at that Mollie should begin to ponder.Now it is a curious thing, but Mollie always has singular adventureswhen she ponders. Things happen to her then which happen at no othertimes, and which also, as far as I have been able to find out, neverhappen to other little girls.

  It was this way upon this particular afternoon, as you will see when youread on. She had been pondering for three or four minutes when almostdirectly at her side she heard a sob.

  "Who's that?" she asked, sleepily, gazing around her.

  "Who's what?" said Flaxilocks, sitting up and opening her great blueeyes so suddenly that something inside of her head seemed to click.

  "Somebody's sobbing," said Mollie.]

  "Somebody's sobbing," said Mollie.

  "I guess not," returned Flaxilocks. "We are all alone here. Nobody couldhave sobbed unless it was Whistlebinkie. Whistlebinkie, did you sob?"

  "No," said Whistlebinkie, "'twasn't me. I can't sob because I haven'tgot a sobber to sob with. I've only got a whistle."

  "Maybe I dreamed it," said Mollie, apparently satisfied for the moment,and then the three threw themselves back on the hay once more and begantheir pondering anew.

  They did not ponder very long, however, for in a few moments Flaxilocksrose up again and observed:

  "I heard a sob myself just now, Mollie."

  "So-_di_," whistled Whistlebinkie, through the top of his hat.

  "Whistlebinkie," said Mollie, severely, "how often must I tell you notto talk through your hat, but through your mouth? So-_di_ doesn't meananything. It isn't English. If you will only remember to use your hat towhistle through and your mouth for conversation every one will be ableto understand. What do you mean by So-_di_?"

  "So--did--I," said Whistlebinkie, meekly, this time using his mouth asMollie had instructed him to do.

  "Then you heard the sob?"

  "Yes--ma'am--plain--as--can--be," returned Whistlebinkie.

  "And no wonder," observed Flaxilocks, pointing one of her kid fingersoff to her left. "Why shouldn't we all hear a sob when there is a poorlittle maid weeping so near at hand?"

  "So there is," said Mollie, looking toward the spot at which Flaxilockswas pointing, where there sat a pretty little shepherdess with tearsstreaming down her cheeks. "Isn't it queer?"

  "Very," said Whistlebinkie. "Shall I give a whistle of surprise, ma'am?"

  "No," said Mollie. "I'm not surprised enough for that."

  Then she got up and walked over to the strange little girl's side, andtaking her hand in hers asked her softly why she wept.

  "I'm little Bopeep," said the stranger. "And I've lost my sheep, and Idon't know where to find them."

  "Oh, is that all?" asked Mollie.

  "Isn't it enough?" returned Bopeep, gazing with surprise at Molliethrough her tears. "They were all spring lambs and I'm very much afraidsome hungry man may have stolen them away and drowned them in the mintsauce pond."

  "Dear me, how dreadful!" cried Mollie.

  "Shall I give a whistle of terror, ma'am?" asked Whistlebinkie.

  "No, don't," said Flaxilocks. "Save your breath. We ought to help Bopeepto find her flock."

  "That's so," said Mollie. "Would you like to have us do that, Bopeep?"

  "Oh, it would be very sweet of you if you would," sobbed the littleshepherdess. "I can't tell you how glad I'd be."

  "I'll whistle it for you."]

  "I'll whistle it for you if you want me to," said the obligingWhistlebinkie, which, as no one objected, he immediately proceeded todo. When he had finished Bopeep thanked him, and asked him if he wereany relation to her old friend Flutiboy who was the only person sheknew who could whistle as charmingly as he, which pleased Whistlebinkievery much because he had heard of the famous Flutiboy, and was wellaware that he was the champion whistler of the world.

  "Now let us be off to find the sheep," said Mollie. "Which way did theygo, Bopeep?"

  "They went every way," said Bopeep, her eyes filling with tears again.

  "I don't see how that could be," said Flaxilocks, "unless one quarter oflamb went one way, and another another, and so on."

  "Oh, it was easy enough for them," said Bopeep. "There were four ofthem, and one went north, one south, one east, and one west. If they hadall run off together I could have run away with them, but as it was allI could do was stand still and let them go. I love them all equally, andsince I couldn't favor any special one, or divide myself up into fourparts, I had to let them go."

  "Perflyawfle," whistled Whistl
ebinkie through his hat.

  "Whistlebinkie!" cried Mollie, reprovingly.

  "Puf-fick-ly or-full," said Whistlebinkie distinctly through his littlered rubber teeth.

  "Well, I say we keep together in looking for them, anyhow," saidFlaxilocks. "Because it's bad enough to lose the sheep without losingourselves, and it seems to me there being four of us we can find thefirst sheep four times as quickly if we stick together as we could if wewent alone; and that of course means that we'll find the four sheepsixteen times as quickly as we would if we went alone."

  "I don't quite see that," said Bopeep.

  "It's plain enough," observed Flaxilocks. "Four times four is sixteen."

  "Oh, yes," said Bopeep. "I see."

  "Sodwi," whistled Whistlebinkie. "I mean so--do--I," he added quickly,as he noted Mollie's frown.

  So the four little folk started off in search of the missing sheep,Whistlebinkie and Flaxilocks running on ahead, and Mollie and Bopeepwith their arms lovingly about each other bringing up in the rear.

  "Did you ever lose the sheep before, Bopeep?" asked Mollie, after theyhad walked a little way in silence.

  "Oh my, yes," returned Bopeep. "I'm losing them all the time. It is apart of my duty to lose them. If I didn't, you know, the nursery rhymecouldn't go on."

  "And you always find them again?" Mollie put in.

  "Always. That's got to happen, too. If they didn't come back and bringtheir tails behind them the nursery rhyme would be spoiled again."

  "Then I don't see why you feel so badly about it," said Mollie.

  "And I only get five cents a quart."]

  "I have to," replied Bopeep. "That's part of my business, too. Isometimes wish old Mother Goose hadn't employed me to look after thesheep at all, because it keeps me crying all the time, and I don't findcrying very pleasant. Why, do you know, I have been in this sheep-losingbusiness for nearly two hundred years now, and I've cried about seventygallons of tears every year. Just think of that. That means fourteenthousand gallons of tears, and I only get five cents a quart, whichdoesn't more than pay my dressmaker's bills. I asked my employers someyears ago to let me have an assistant to do the crying for me, but theywouldn't do it, which I think was very mean, don't you?"

  "Yes, I do," said Mollie. "I should think just losing the sheep was hardenough work for a little girl like you to attend to."

  "That's what I think--but dear me, where are Whistlebinkie andFlaxilocks going?" said Bopeep. "They mustn't go that way. The firstplace we must go to is the home of the Unwiseman."

  "The what?" demanded Mollie.

  "The Unwiseman. He's an unwiseman who doesn't know anything," explainedBopeep. "The rules require that we go to him first and ask him if heknows where the sheep are. He'll say he doesn't know, and then we'll goon to the little old woman who lives under the hill. She'll know wherethey are, but she'll tell us wrong. Hi! Whistlebinkie and Flaxilocks!Turn off to the left, and stop at that little red house under the oaktree."

  "There isn't any little red house under the oak tree," said Mollie.

  "Oh, yes, there is," said Bopeep. "Only you've got to know it's therebefore you can see it. The Unwiseman lives there."

  Sat in the doorway trying to smoke a pipe filled withsoapsuds.]

  Whistlebinkie and Flaxilocks did as they were told, and, sure enough, ina minute there appeared a little red house under the oak tree just asBopeep had said. Mollie was delighted, it was such a dainty littlehouse, with its funny gables and a roof made of strawberry icing. Thewindow-panes were shining like silver, and if Bopeep was not mistakenwere made of sugar. But funnier still was the Unwiseman himself, aqueer-looking, wrinkled-up little old man who sat in the doorway tryingto smoke a pipe filled with soapsuds.

  "Good-afternoon, O Unwiseman," said Bopeep.

  "Hoh!" sneered the Unwiseman. "Good-afternoon! This isn't afternoon.It's day before yesterday morning."

  Mollie giggled.

  "Hush!" whispered Bopeep. "He doesn't know any better. You can see thathe doesn't know anything by looking at his pipe. He's been trying tosmoke those soapsuds now for a week. The week before he was trying toblow bubbles with it, only he had corn-silk in it then instead ofsoapsuds. That shows what kind of a man he is."

  "What can I do for you to-day, Bopeep?" asked the Unwiseman as hetouched a lighted match to the suds, which immediately sputtered andwent out.

  "I wanted to know if you had seen anything of my sheep," said Bopeep.

  "They aren't anything like telegraph poles orwheelbarrows, are they?"]

  "Let's see," said the Unwiseman. "Let's see. Sheep are what? They aren'tanything like telegraph poles or wheelbarrows, are they?"

  "No," said Bopeep, "they are not."

  "Then maybe I have seen them," said the Unwiseman, with a smile ofsatisfaction. "Maybe I have. Several things went by here day afterto-morrow that weren't a bit like wheelbarrows or telegraph poles. Theymay have been your sheep. One of the things had four red wheels onit--have any of your sheep got four red wheels on them?"

  Whistlebinkie nearly exploded as the Unwiseman said this, but the queerold gentleman was not learned enough to know mirth when he saw it, sothat no harm was done.

  "No," said Bopeep. "My sheep had no wheels."

  "Then I must have seen them," said the Unwiseman. "There was a thingwent by here a week from next Tuesday noon that hadn't any wheels. Ithad two legs and carried a fan, or a fish-pole--I couldn't tell which itwas--and it was whistling. Maybe that was one of the sheep."

  "No," said Bopeep again, shaking her head. "My sheep don't whistle andthey have four legs."

  "Nonsense," said the Unwiseman, with a wink. "You can't fool me thatway. I know a horse when I hear one described, and when any one tells methat the thing with four legs and no whistle is a sheep I know better.And so my dear, since you've tried to trifle with me you can go along. Iwon't tell you another thing about your old sheep. I don't know anythingabout 'em anyhow."

  Whereupon the old man got up from his chair and climbed the oak tree tolook for apples, while the searching party went on to the little oldwoman who lived under the hill, and Bopeep asked her if she knewanything about the sheep.

  "One of 'em's gone to the moon."]

  "Yes," said the little old woman, with a frown which frightened poorWhistlebinkie so that he gasped and whistled softly in spite of hisefforts to keep quiet. "Yes, I've seen your sheep. I know just wherethey are, too. One of 'em's gone to the moon. Another has been adoptedby a girl named Mary, who is going to take it to school and make thechildren laugh. Another has sold his wool to a city merchant, and thefourth has accepted an invitation to dinner from a member of Congress.He will reach the dinner at half-past seven to-night on a silverplatter. He will be decorated with green peas and mint sauce. Now getalong with you."

  Mollie felt very sorry for poor Bopeep as she listened to this dreadfulstatement, and she was very much surprised to see Bopeep smiling throughit all.

  "Why did you smile?" she asked the little shepherdess as they wendedtheir way home again.

  "She lives on ink and it makes her disagreeable."]

  "Because I knew from what she said that she knew the sheep weresafe--but she lives on ink, and that makes her disagreeable. She justwanted to make me feel as disagreeable as she does, and she told me allthat nonsense to accomplish that purpose."

  "The horrid thing!" said Mollie.

  "No," said Bopeep. "She isn't really horrid. It's only because she liveson ink that she seems so. Suppose you had to live on ink?"

  "I'd be horrid, too," said Mollie.

  "There they are!" cried Bopeep joyfully, and sure enough there were thesheep, and they had brought their tails behind them, too. They weregrazing close beside the hay-stack on which Mollie had been pondering.

  "I am very much obliged to you for your help and company," said Bopeep,"and now as it is six o'clock, I must drive my sheep home. Good-by."

  "Good-by," said Mollie, kissing the little shepherdess affectionately.

&
nbsp; "Good-by," said Flaxilocks, sinking back on the clover pillow, andclosing her great blue eyes again.

  "Gubby," whistled Whistlebinkie through his hat.

  "Wasn't it queer?" said Mollie later as they wended their way homeagain.

  "Very," said Flaxilocks.

  "Queeresperiensieverad," whistled Whistlebinkie.

  "What's that?" cried Mollie.

  "Queerest--experience--I--ever--had," said Whistlebinkie.

  "Ah!" said Mollie. "I didn't care much for the little old woman underthe hill, but that funny old Unwiseman--I'd like to meet him again."

  And the others agreed that it would indeed be pleasant to do so.